Chhhhh. Chhhhh. Chhhhhh. As I scrub down the stove top taking apart the burners and setting them into a freshly cleaned sink of hot bubbly water. I grab the 409 and spray the stove top and pick up my sponge to make it pearly white. My mission, clean the kitchen. Make it spotless.
While to any outsider looking in I am just doing a deep cleaning on Sunday. However inside my head I’m spinning uncontrollably and can’t stop. My body feels uncomfortable in my own skin and I just want to feel back at home. I’m breathing deeply and trying to regain normalcy. Cleaning, cleaning is my coping mechanism.
I am disappointed in myself. Disappointed in a choice I made. So I continue cleaning, trying to regain control.